The Calm Before The Storm…

(Let’s talk about the weather. And feelings) 

As I write, the UK is bracing for the arrival of Storm Agnes. She is set to hit the UK with winds of up to 80 mph and the threat of flooding in places, disruption to travel, power cuts and even potential building damage and loss of life. 

I have just returned from a short walk at our local beach this morning. The sea was calm and the air was still. Almost eerily so. It’s hard to imagine that in a few hours, the waves are forecast to batter the promenade and the shoreline shops will have their hatches battened down and their sandbags in place.

But what do we know about every storm? 

It will pass. Calm will resume. 

When we are caught in a storm, it certainly doesn’t feel that way though. We can feel so lost in the tumult that it feels like no other way of being exists. 

I am conscious that in my blog writings I have spoken about difficult things like anxiety, pain and trauma in my health challenges over the years. I have the kind of mind that is able to analyse and rationalise these states and in doing so try to find logical explanations for the sufferings. This cognitive approach can sometimes bypass the actual essence of how it actually feels to go through the storms of life. I feel deeply too. 

In my studies over the years I have often come across the popular saying amongst psychologists- ‘ we can’t think our way out of a feeling’. Another line is ‘ you have to feel it to heal it’. But true embodied feeling can actually be quite alien in today’s emotionally sanitised society in which we live, especially here in the UK. Some other cultures are more easily expressive. 

Feelings can be messy, vulnerable and uncomfortable – both to experience and also to witness in others. But they are entirely normal and God-given. We all have them, but we often bury them or gloss over them. They hold powerful bodily energy that needs to move through us in order for us to truly live healthy lives and be in authentic relationships. 

Difficult emotions such as fear, anger and sadness are natural and call out to be expressed so they can pass through, just like a storm does. They don’t need to be ‘acted out’ on anyone but rather just healthily released and cleared or, as one might say, allowed to follow through the natural rise and fall – ‘arc of completion’. 

This morning I woke up to my fourth consecutive day of intense pain. I have weathered through the past three days but they have been painfully tough. Today I had hoped for a break from the severe, sometimes dizzying muscle cramp in my neck but it was not to be. It felt a little milder, and that was good. But I felt a rising emotional tension within me which had possibly built up over the series of days prior. 

Early this morning I had decided I wanted to try to go out for a short while before the bad storm hit. This was a big deal for me, a bold step having been essentially housebound for six months. As I got ready, I felt the physical pain clashing with my desire to go out such that it might rob me of the experience. I wanted to cry in confusion, exasperation and despair, but was conscious that if we were just about to leave the house this may not be an ideal time to let my floodgates burst. But I was holding so much quiet frustration, disappointment and bone tiredness (as well as the physical muscle spasm) from the days and weeks of constant pain, that I just let myself cry. And it lasted only a moment. It didn’t overwhelm me but provided a short release and thus passed through. My husband hugged me and we went on our way. We enjoyed a lovely little walk by the sea and my system felt more open and free. The water quietly lapped the shore as the clouds silently built and darkened above us. Seagulls circled overhead – they were strangely quiet, expectant and sensitive to the changing air currents up high maybe…The walk was peaceful. 

We’ll see if Storm Agnes makes an appearance today and whether she will wreak havoc or instead be a bit of a metaphorical Met Office damp squib. 

Feelings can build, like storm clouds. Feared because of what they may hold and how messily they may manifest. Will they overwhelm and cause chaos? Most times if given space, they will flow then gently ebb again. As naturally as the rhythm of the ocean. 

Emotions need not be feared. And they need not govern the human experience either. As they are recognised, welcomed and allowed to express and pass through, there is a beauty, release and healing that can come no other way.