Throwing Caution To The Wind?

(and dealing with red alert responses)

This week the north east of our island has been battered and blown about by Babet. The second storm of the season came sweeping in from the east on Wednesday night, less than a month after Storm Agnes. Babet has since wreaked havoc in many parts of Scotland, showing no mercy – heavy rain and high winds ravaging the country – flooding many places. People have been displaced from their homes and lives have been lost.

Of course, chaos and sadness are also echoing through humanity in amplified volume during these times of world turbulence and incidents of terror. And we can feel powerless. We do what we can but it doesn’t feel enough to bring lasting change, because it isn’t. Greater powers are at work.

We get on with our lives amidst the upheaval. We have to, whilst also holding deep love and compassion in our hearts for those who are hurting in ways we could only imagine. And we trust in the reign of a higher love and justice. How can we not?

Since last writing, I have continued to build on my reconditioning towards a semblance of normal life but my confidence has been dented several times. Health storms have threatened but have thankfully not peaked as they once did. They have shaken me though, like unexpected gusts of wind.

In the early part of this week I ventured out in the stillness and sunshine and enjoyed a visit to one of our favourite local beach spots. It was beautiful. I felt pleased at being able to literally test the waters – albeit with my shoes on! The following day we visited a local National Trust garden and skirted the edge of the sunny autumnal woods. All was fine going downhill but the inclines were still a bit too much to tackle so my husband collected the car parked on the higher ground and rescued me as I continued to trickle down the lower path.

These trips still come with a sense of trepidation and tension but also give a great sense of achievement and satisfaction when successful. Bouncing my boundaries is not easy for me. My symptoms can threaten and rise at short notice. This can be quite destabilising when out and about. Learning to live alongside and manage that possibility is a challenge. I am by nature a risk-averse type of person. But I also want to enjoy a more expansive life than my heart has allowed in recent years.

The red alert weather warnings in our area have meant that the past three days we’ve been tucked up at home during Storm Babet. Safe inside whilst winds and rain have raged outdoors. The decision not to go out has been decided for us. In some ways it’s been a relief.

As the storm eases today and quietness resumes, it is safe to begin to venture out again.

But is it?…

I have a very active mind and inner dialogue, and that being so, I have found that certain prickly phrases previously pronounced over me – such as my arterial condition being a ‘Sword of Damocles’ hanging over me, and ‘Broken Heart Syndrome recurrence being very dangerous’ have again surged and plagued my mind, triggered by recent setbacks. I recognise that my internal red alert warning system is extremely sensitive due to years of very real and sudden adverse health experience. But it needs to dial down. There is no storm here right now.

I know that the mind is a powerful engine but it’s also malleable and open to influence. It believes the stories it is told the most. These can be energising and hopeful, or they can be a prison of suffering if rooted in fear. I recognise my own storytelling mind, its influence on me, and I seek to relate wisely and lovingly to it and to curate it. I don’t need to be buffeted about by unhelpful thoughts and projections. I can choose to bat them away and believe and magnify the good, signalling messages of safety and encouragement to my system in ways that I have practiced.

None of this is easy, but neither is life. But I am not powerless.

I balance my desire for expansion with ease and compassion for my healing heart.

I don’t want the few setbacks of the past ten days to mar my sense of progress and hope. And so with courage, after each storm threat has passed, I’ll step out again, rebuilding confidence and resilience brick by brave brick. Life is for living, after all.

Storms come and go and we mostly get though them. I remind myself that I have a 100% success rate so far! Surely that counts for something.

And when the next weather system seeks to disrupt our landscape, we respond appropriately, but until then we live in the peace and tranquility we are graciously given.

I endeavour to embed this attitude in my own life too.

*****