I Am Titanium 

The popular song featuring Sia goes like this;

 🎵 ‘ You shoot me down but I won’t fall, I am titanium’. 🎵 

This lyrical concept feels empowering.

Nowadays many of us are walking around with titanium in our bodies, be it a hip replacement, dental implants or, in my case, a cardiac pacemaker. Titanium is recognised for its high strength to weight ratio (funnily enough, the opposite to my physical bodily state at the moment). Titanium also has an extremely high melting point and is known for its inertness and durability, all of these attributes suggesting great stability, therefore being ideal for medical implantation uses. 

The song lyrics, like the metal, convey a sense of built-in resilience and invincibility. And whilst we can have confidence that the gadgets in our bodies have this capacity, oftentimes our human flesh and bones don’t feel that way, nor indeed do our minds and spirits. 

When I was just four and a half I had a bad accident to my left hand. And I am left handed… I had been playing hide and seek outside with a friend near my grandmother’s upper flat. Those were also the days of outside toilets- totally separate from the house, and I had decided it would be a good idea to hide there. It was like a tiny garden shed with the upper half of the door being frosted glass to let some light in. Minutes went past which turned into what felt like hours and my friend still hadn’t found me. It turned out she had gone home for her lunch! Meantime, I was panicking as I wasn’t able to unlock the toilet door to get out. I called for help for what felt like ages but no one came. So, I had the bright idea of smashing the upper glass and climbing through the broken window. I then ran up the stone outdoor steps to my gran’s house, both hands very bloodied from pulling myself up through the jagged glass window, and was met by the horrified faces of my mother and grandma. My hands were quickly wrapped in thick towels and I was immediately rushed to hospital by a local neighbour who happened to be a policeman so was used to navigating A&E efficiently. I had severed tendons in my left palm and almost lost a finger. Thankfully the surgeon was able to use some metal parts to join the broken bits in my hand together. I was told that the internal fixation would last about 5-10 years. Here we are almost 60 years later and my hand is still functioning relatively well and fingers all intact. This trip down memory lane simply serves to say that what the surgeon used to fix me has certainly stood the test of time. Titanium is resilient! 

There is so much talk within the self improvement industry today of building resilience. Even that very term ‘building’ suggests construction of a robust structure.

In Finland, deemed the happiest place on earth, there is a specific word ‘SISU’ which cannot be fully translated but describes persistent determination, courage, resilience, grit & extreme tenacity. This almost magical word is held by Finns to describe their built-in national character. I must say, in my limited experience of Finns, I find this ingrained trait to ring true. 

It’s interesting how on the one side, resilience is associated with strength, self discipline and extreme focus, which suggests an element of control and rigidity, whilst on the flip side, resilience is described as the ability to be flexible and malleable, denoting a softness and pliability. As humans, we are all called to ‘dig deep’ at some point in our lives. When life throws us difficulties and challenges, the call is to adapt through mental, emotional and behavioural flexibility, like willow trees bending in the wind so that we can adjust to the internal and external demands placed on us. 

So, resilience, which is it? Solid strength or malleability? 

Relating to my own challenges this past year, I have been required.to face up to multiple coal-face experiences. Each time I have taken a little longer to then ‘bounce back’ and also invariably my baseline has dropped progressively a little lower. I have used self discipline and focus to a degree (both of these traits come naturally to me) but have also had to learn to be more accepting of not being able to control my outcomes no matter how steely my determination. 

I have had to learn to be flexible with myself, to ease up on my own standards and to be kind to myself. Basically, to accept myself as I am, however that might be, and to be okay with it. That has been much harder. I am still learning. 

Maybe Popeye’s famous (paraphrased) words, ‘I am what I am,’ hold more weight and wisdom than first intended. He was ahead of his time in the realms of self-acceptance! In his trademark song he also professed to be;

‘strong to the finish coz he ate his spinach’! 

With both of these qualities- self-ease and strength- was this cartoon sailorman then the epitome of resilience… 

Tough though titanium is, it is also malleable under certain conditions. Pliability & ease of flow are essential components in shaping true resilience.

So let’s finish with another song, this time with a somewhat softer feel-

Adele’s lyrics, 🎵 ‘Go easy on me, baby…’ 🎵 

A message to ourselves as we stay standing in the storms – let’s stand confidently on a firm foundation and under the gentle, easeful shower of compassionate grace. Let it caress our skin, as we embrace life’s tough times, and simply acknowledge & accept that we are doing our best with what we have been given. And that is good enough. 

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