SONDER

Do you ever wonder?

Lately I have been able to be out and about a little bit since my heart procedure and it has felt good. We have visited a couple of our favourite local places and enjoyed some short walks. It has been a joy to inhale the expansiveness of the ocean and open skies again and to see the trees in their autumn colours. At the same time, being out is hard and takes enormous effort and energy for me. I often have significant pain and even difficultly with balance, and sometimes accompanying anxiety, but externally I look fine. No-one would ever know.

Whenever I am out I find myself acknowledging and observing the people around me. This is especially so in the slow-paced life of a beach or woodland stroll.

People fascinate me. My mind is curious. I witness, in soft focus, and I wonder. A gentle hello or a smile may connect us momentarily. I ponder what may be going on in their lives, what brings them to this moment and what hidden burdens they may be carrying.

Today I found out that there is an actual term for this curiosity!

It is SONDER and is defined as;

‘having the profound realisation that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one’s own.’

Autocorrect prefers ‘wonder’ when I type sonder. But you see, there is an element of wonder in sonder. And there is a strange comfort and connectedness that comes in knowing that everyone struggles. This awareness and sense of togetherness unlocks compassion and empathy for oneself and others. And it offers an attitude of dignity and kindness which otherwise could be withheld.

Of course we can never know the details of every passer-by’s life and it would be draining if we were to. But we can extend understanding, comfort and care to those in our more immediate circles. If we are open minded in situations and interactions and ask ourselves questions like – ‘how does this make sense? Or ‘what’s underneath this?’ – we are able to activate deeper insight into another’s life and issues and respond accordingly.

Living in a current of care, a life-giving energy can flow and can even have a ripple effect.

A well-known quote which I love from Tim Keller goes like this;

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything.”

The healing power of love, understanding, empathy and compassion can not be underestimated. People are usually trying their best in this life.

There’s value in staying gently curious. It can be liberating.

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